My son has a new obsession. It is expensive, flashy, heavily driven by peer pressure, and, as all good obsessions should be, ultimately useless.
He announced his heartfelt desire by running up to me and declaring, “Dad, there’s an optical scanner that replaces your Windows logon, it reads your eyeball instead of asking for a password. It’s only $200!”
And do you have any use for this whatsoever, real or imagined?” I asked.
“No!” he said. “But I have to have it!”
And so his descent into computer modification (“modding”) begins. Already his computer glows an unearthly orange, giving his perpetually darkened room that retro X-Files feel. The side of his case is transparent so casual onlookers can marvel at the wires, I guess, and eerie blue light comes out of the personalized fan grill.
He hasn’t said, but I suspect he won’t be happy until his computer spins in place, extends spikes to thwart his little brother and glows different colors to match his remote-detected mood. Actual computing seems secondary.
He’s not alone. Anything you can think of to do to a computer, someone, somewhere, has done it, and then painted it black.
Want to fit all of your computer hardware into a four-slot toaster? Been done. Want a computer case made entirely out of Legos? Already old school. Do you fancy cherrywood and old radio knobs? Do you prefer your computer to look like a DVD player, a humidor, or an ammo case? Are you in desperate need of a PC that frightens your cat?
You’re in luck, my friend. Do a search online for “computer mods” and get examples, step-by-step details, and helpful tips on everything from how to turn a teddy bear into a network router to how to subtly alter the lines of your case with the artistic application of a hammer.
Or you can cheat and just buy stuff from the mod section at the local computer shop. There are personalized fan grills, LED tubing, glowing USB cables, see-through acrylic cases, even gold anodized screws. Replace your old hardware and make a sweet machine in minutes!
Of course real modders will look down on you, the way custom car owners scoff at the weekend driver with a personalized license plate cover.
I can just imagine hordes of hardcore modders gathering in a circle in the CompUSA parking lot, showing off their machines under the streetlights and complimenting each other on their innovative use of Dremel tools, plumbing fixtures, and Bondo. These are people for whom a UV black light is an essential component, people who probably drove to the parking lot sitting inside their computers.
I have to admit, I’m jealous. The only computer options I had (besides “having one” and “not having one”) were different stickers for the front and the color mouse pad of my choice. Otherwise I had PC beige, and that was it. Now I find myself idly wondering if my wife would be comfortable using a computer built into an espresso machine.
Will this be the new extravagance for aging geeks? I can laugh at 40-year old guys suddenly buying cowboy hats, sports cars, hairpieces and trophy wives, but I can also see myself emerging from my own mid-life crisis with a computer that hangs over my desk from chains and has a Terminator fist coming out of the side.
Well, why not? Why shouldn’t my computer reflect the personality I want to pretend I have? Why can’t I paint it construction orange or tie-dye the whole thing? Why not load it with so much chrome I can’t plug it in, or replace the power supply with a V6 engine and an ignition switch?
It’s still cheaper than a trophy wife.