Welcome to our Gaypril Film Festival! Inexplicably ignored by those uppity film people, the GFF celebrates those hilarious movies with a strong gay presence (as opposed to movies with a strong gay undercurrent, like The Scorpion King). Great movies, movies that make even hardened heterosexuals laugh their asses off.
Or, as we put it around here, Homophobe Nightmare movies (HNM). See, we’ve got an acquaintance with a serious macho attitude, the type that cannot tolerate the concept of male homosexuality (although female homosexuality is pretty cool), and in fact gets infuriated when the slightest joke is made about his own masculinity. We, of course, are sensitive to his feelings, and respect his opinion as we respect all diversity, even those we disagree with.
But here’s some of the movies we play, purely by happy accident, whenever he’s around. To be a true HNM it can’t just be about homosexuality or even guys in dresses. The Wedding Banquet is a hilarious film about a gay man, but it doesn’t give your average homophobe the right queasy feeling. Some Like It Hot and Tootsie are great and funny movies that have men in drag, but it’s obvious that the men are wearing frilly outfits as a desperation move, and not because they felt like being pretty. Pink Flamingos is funny and has a transvestite, but getting all the way through it could be seen as a heroic achievement all by itself and not right for our purposes. And The Crying Game is a perfect homophobe nightmare movie, but it’s not funny, and hence ineligible for any list on this island. No, we want the funny movies that make macho men uncomfortable, uneasy, uncertain, and fun to watch.
Jeffrey
1995. Starring Stephen Weber, Michael T. Weiss, Patrick Stewart, and a buncha cameos.
Based on the play, Jeffrey is about a gay man’s attempt to avoid love and sex. So naturally he finds the perfect guy an hour or so later, and spends the movie running from his destiny. But what it’s really about, as far as I’m concerned, is watching Captain Picard play Sterling, a gay man with impeccable taste and all the best lines. Ideal homophobe terror movie, not least because there are several near-explicit sex scenes and lots of manly kissing. Oh, and it’s also poignant and fun.
To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everytthing, Julie Newmar
1995. Starring Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, John Leguizamo.
Acquaintance actually borrowed this one because he saw “To Wong Foo” and the cast and figured it was a kung fu flick. Unfortunately we weren’t there to see the reaction, because these manly he-man look smashing in drag. Miss Vida Boheme (Swayze) and MIss Noxeema Jackson (Snipes) head cross-country for a drag contest, taking along MIss Chi-Chi Rodriguez (Leguizamo) in an ongoing drag queen training session. Along the way they get harassed by a cop (at first love-struck, then just struck) and finally get stuck in a hick town that isn’t quite sure what to make of these cosmopolitan ladies. If it it wasn’t funny as hell, it’s worth it just to watch these action heroes in chiffon, in style.
The Birdcage
1996. Starring Robin Williams and Nathan Lane.
Based on the movie and musical La Cage aux Folles, but while I love that one too, this version is (in my anglophile opinion) funnier. For one thing I didn’t have to read any subtitles, and for another Robin Williams and Nathan Lane as a nightclub owner and his lover/star attraction bear an uncanny resemblance to me and my wife. Okay, we don’t run a successful drag nightclub, and we don’t have a cool house in South Beach, and I’m pretty sure that Teres is a real girl, but other than that.
Plot: A gay cabaret owner and his female impersonating companion agree to put a false straight front so their son can introduce them to his fiance’s right-wing moralistic parents. Highlights: all the dialogue between Williams and Lane (especially when they’re trying to act straight), Hank Azaria as a wildly flagrant manservant, and Gene Hackman as a right-wing moralizer who ultimately looks scrumptious in a platinum wig.
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
1994. Starring Terence Stamp, Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce.
Two drag queens and a transsexual get a gig in the middle of the Australian desert and head off in a barely-running bus across the wild. Full of humor, style, music, bitching, fashion tips (Texas Chainsaw Mascara!), song, rustic hicks, fights, the biggest fucking high-heeled shoe in the world, and a woman with an amazing bar trick involving ping pong balls. But most of all it’s got General Zod from Superman as a transsexual, and here in our homophobe nightmare party that’s the bit we’re looking for. He’s great.
Coming next week: In & Out, Wigstock, The Ritz, Female Trouble, Sum of Us, Relax, It’s Just Sex, Threesome, Bedrooms & Hallways, Queer As Folk, Chasing Amy, The Broken Hearts Club, and many more! Also, how you can put on Paris is Burning if your homophobe just won’t leave.