At long last, Joss Whedon’s “Serenity” — the science-fiction/western movie based on his canceled TV show “Firefly” — premieres nationwide this week … I’m getting the weirdest sense of deja vu. Didn’t I just write this?
Sort of. I wrote about the theatrical release, which was just 12 weeks ago. But “Serenity” DVDs are already on sale, even though traditionally, they shouldn’t have been available until next spring. Universal is counting on the Christmas season and the movie’s rabid fan base to make up for the disappointing ticket sales and it’s working. Right now, “Serenity” is the No. 1 DVD at Amazon and I saw more than a few in the hands of my fellow customers at Best Buy today (we nodded to each other, with conspiratorial smiles).
The period between boffo box office debut and the discount bin at Wal-Mart is getting shorter for a variety of reasons. Studios want summer blockbusters on the shelves in time for the holidays. It’s cheaper to let DVD marketing piggyback on theatrical marketing instead of paying to promote it twice. Pirated copies are on sale in Hong Kong before the movies have even finished filming. But the reason that counts is because DVDs make an embarrassing amount of money. More, in fact, than the films make in the theaters.
“The Incredibles” raked in $70 million in ticket sales its first weekend, a heroic feat by any standard. Except, of course, when compared to its own DVD sales, which hit $100 million the first day. “Finding Nemo,” “Spider-Man,” “Shrek II,” and “Pirates of the Caribbean” all had similar successes. The “Napoleon Dynamite” DVD made more in its first week than the movie did during its entire theatrical release. It just makes sense for studios to want to grab more of that fat DVD dollar.
Soon even a three-month wait will seem glacial. Dallas-based 2929 Entertainment and director Steven Soderbergh are making several movies — starting with this January’s mystery “Bubble” — that are slated to debut on the screen, on DVD, and on pay-per-view on the same day, and other companies are watching them very closely indeed. It won’t be long before movies are delivered to you when and how you want for your big screen high-definition TVs or your teeny-but-portable cell phones and video iPods.
Which is all well and good except for the obvious casualty: movie theaters. For some reason we just aren’t flocking to buy expensive tickets and overpriced popcorn to eat in sticky seats in front of loud kids while we watch badly framed movies — at least, not the way we used to. And they’re feeling the pinch. Will they disappear? Or will they go with their time-tested solutions of higher prices and worse service, and then disappear?
Don’t worry, theater owners! As with every other important aspect of life, I have the solution.
First, revisit your percentages with the studios. DVDs are the money-makers and theatrical releases are now, essentially, 72-foot commercials for the DVDs. The studios should want it to be easy for people to see them. You should be keeping more — much more — of the box office so you can afford to lower ticket prices to something reasonable.
Second, stop forgetting about us after we stagger away from the concession stand. Embrace the immediate DVD release and sell me one as I walk out, still dazed and blinking from watching the movie. Better yet, sell me the special edition DVD of the movie I just watched. Heck, sell me the soundtrack! The book! Action figures! Scriptbooks! T-shirts! Market that stuff to us when we’re interested (i.e. vulnerable) and you could finally afford to sell popcorn at merely exorbitant prices. Maybe you could partner up with Blockbuster, they’re starting to need the traffic too.
Third, clean up your act. We really do like seeing movies on the big screen, you know, but only if we can actually see, hear, and enjoy them. Bring back ushers, make sure the movies are in focus, and either make everyone shut up or give us headphones.
Cheap tickets and snacks, a pleasant movie experience, merchandise ready when we want to buy, and we might love the movies again. I don’t want to give up the exhilarating feeling of immersing myself in a movie. There’s nothing like being surrounded by an audience to laugh and scream and gasp along with me and home entertainment systems just don’t have that unless you have a really big family. I’m glad I have “Serenity” on DVD now but seeing it in the theater, bigger and louder and faster than life, was incredible and not to be missed.
Which you would know, if you had seen it in the theater when I told you to.