Over at EW.com (and presumably in this weeks’ Entertainment Weekly; despite their constant entreaties and veiled threats I let my subscription lapse), they provide their suggestions towards fixing the Emmys. I had mixed reactions.
First off, I agree the Emmys need fixing. Years from now, on my deathbed, my biggest regret will be the loss of those irreplaceable three hours of reality-show-fueled horror, especialy when I knew I could just wait an hour and watch the best 10-15 minutes of it on YouTube. But how to honor our best and brightest without boring the crap out of everybody?
I’m right behind their suggestion of getting Neil Patrick Harris to host. He has the perfect mix of self-assurance, witty ad-libs, honest respect for the craft, and sheer delight in being there that makes for a great host. But I flatly disagree that cable shows and movies should be pushed to the technical Emmys night; some of them are the best shows on TV, why banish them?
Instead, I suggest you get rid of the most annoying, time-wasting part of the show: the presenter bits. Tired and hackneyed, more of a joke themselves than actually amusing, the only presenter jokes that actually work are those which make fun of how bad presenter jokes are (a la Rickles, Stewart, Colbert, et al). Mostly they’re just painful reminders that most presenters aren’t that good in a live situation. Dump ’em.
Here’s my proposed Emmy night:
NPH comes out and does 5 minutes of opening act. That’s it.
Next, two acclaimed stars of a genre come out. Mary Tyler Moore and Betty White were excellent choices this year. For 2009 let’s go with, say, Alan Alda and Carol Burnette. Must be someone who likely inspired everyone in the category and someone not up for an award themselves. They give a one-minute talk on comedy shows, do a presentation (more on this in a moment) and then proceed to award all the Comedy awards, one after another: Best Writer, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Comedy Show.
No constant changes back and forth, no sitting through a new set of presenters for every frickin’ award. Just run through ’em all. But don’t waste that precious saved time; use some of it for that presentation I mentioned. Before announcing the winners, let Alan and Carol show short clips from every show nominated in those categories. There’ll be a lot of overlap so it won’t take as long as you’d think, and will certainly take up less time than waiting for seven different sets of presenters to walk slowly out and flub their lines. And hey, we’ll get to actually see a little bit of why these shows were nominated! Imagine that! Show a quick scene from the episodes that were submitted for consideration, get us involved. Let us think, hey, maybe I should be watching that.
NPH comes out and does a retrospective of whatever great show has an anniversary that year. Gotta get some history in there, just not too much.
Then he announces two more great actors who show clips of the nominated Variety. Music, or Comedy Series. Best Writer, Best Director, Best Individual Performance, Best Show. Move on.
Mind you, winners still get to make their speeches, but then the same presenters just step back over and award the next one without the lame, time-eating banter. Winners go off to the side and wait, in case they win another and have to come back. When the category is over, they can all bow together (and wouldn’t it be cool seeing them on the same stage?).
NPH mentions the Creative Arts Emmys, and hey, let’s see some highlights from those. Had to be a few good moments.
Two more great actors come out and show clips of the nominated Movies, Miniseries or Dramatic Specials. Best Writer, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Show. Move on.
NPH introduces the President of the Academy, who comes out flanked by the accountants. Might as well combine two boring and apparently vital bits. The President can then anounce whomever is presenting for tonight’s achievement award.
Bring out two reality show stars/hosts/winners/whatever to award the reality show awards, whatever they are. All of them. And please, just reality shows. Game shows are not reality shows, Howie.
Let NPH run the dead star tribute. (By the way, Emmy people? We’re a very to-the-minute generation. If you can throw video together fast enough to be showing clips from the show during the show’s closing credits, you can make a dead star tribute that includes even those stars who died the morning of the Emmys. Lose the arbitrary cutoff date for video montage recognition.)
Last two beloved actors come out to present for Drama Series. Show the clips, award for Best Writer, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Show.
NPH can thank everybody, and we’re out of here with time to spare.
Look, the Emmys people want the categories split up and lots of big name presenters because they think it helps ratings and keeps us watching. But we’re the Internet generation, we want everything on our terms. And let’s face it, no one tunes into the Emmys just to see if Sandra Oh will present this year. Let us tune in and see the awards we’re interested in without having to sit through the stuff we’re not, and you’ll get more overall viewers. Maybe I want to see the Comedy awards and then go to bed. Maybe some viewers are only interested in Drama. Why make them watch all of it?
And please dump the gimmicks. Get a host who clearly loves his job and respects the nominees. Hey, if NPH can’t do it, how about Mike Rowe? He should have won for reality host anyway, and no one handles people better.
Anyway, that’s my suggestion. Minimal presenters, clips of the nominees, and maybe next time you’d have time to run the Most Memorable Scene winners we voted for like you promised and failed to deliver.
Dugg it.
http://digg.com/television/How_to_Save_the_Emmys
Hmm. You know, I have exactly the inverse solution. Keep the presenter bits, allow more time for the acceptance speeches, which provide the other good bits, and get rid of every single montage and clip, with the sole exception of the Parade of the Dead. You’ll be done with time to spare and have a much better show.
I think that is an excellent suggestion, Chris. I prefer clips of the shows – or the performers – to listening to lame presenter ‘banter’. Plus they always make them walk so long to get to the mike in the first place.
Clips of the shows might entice people to watch more shows that they haven’t seen before. I could definitely have done without any of the reality show hosts or bits this year, even though I watched most of it on tape!
I didn’t watch the Emmy’s live, did the YouTube thing for parts that were watercoolered. And I don’t particularly mind if the Emmy’s are swallowed by a Hellmouth and never seen from again but I’m wise enough to know if that happened they’d be vomited back up because nobody, especially the denizens of tortuous evil, like to be shown up.
So how to fix these things so they don’t become projectile? Lets start with what I would like to see:
1) Stars all prettied up and being more themselves than their characters. It’s the rare time I get to see this.
…However, I’m not the new fan, Producers. Take note, do NOT tailor your program to me because that’d be a failure to recognize the people who are going to tune in to see stars in a more natural environment can get this, in this information age, from a zillion-and-three different places.
If we are tuning in to see particular people then we’ve probably already found them in another medium.
2) Clips.
I want to see clips of my favorite shows because, um, I like television (though I don’t own one. See point about “information age” above. Which, come to think of it, is probably why I’m not into the Emmy’s anymore – I’m getting what I want from other sources. But I digress.) So, being a fan of television you sort of know something about me right off the bat.
So show me clips of my favorite shows. And in the process I’ll see clips of shows I wouldn’t have considered watching. Because you know what I’m NOT doing online? I’m not searching (much) for things I don’t know I like.
Are you seeing how you, Emmy Producers, can turn yourselves into an asset of mine?
Think on it.