I always thought math was a formidable weapon, considering the effects it has on me — even the proximity of an algebra problem forces me to go lie down with a damp washcloth on my forehead — but I had no idea it could vanguish unholy demons.
Fortunately we have Costas Efthimiou, a physics professor at the University of Central Florida, who has debunked the vampire myth once and for all. Sort of. His claim is that, given that vampires must feed on human blood and a human, once bit, becomes a vampire, humans would be eliminated within two and a half years.
However, fans of the genre are scoffing at his work, claiming that he has missed two major gaps in his logic. The first being that Mr. Efthimiou assumes vampires would never die themselves, whether from accident, starvation, vampire-on-vampire violence, or those pesky blond girls with their fancy spin kicks. The second is that, in most vampire-related mythology, a single bite doesn’t change a human or necessarily even kill one. But other than that, his theory is a fine one.
He goes on with his undead trifecta by disproving ghosts and zombies. You can find his paper here.
Me, I think it’s a smoke screen. Mr. Efthimiou would have you believe that there are no vampires, and so you’ll take down the garlic and box up the extra crosses and go back to low-neck sweaters and never notice this physics professor of the night sneaking up on you…