“American Idol” is back and it’s bigger and better than ever! Simon is meaner, Paula is more… whatever Paula is, and that other guy is good, too! Come watch the drama as… yawn… as contestants fight to reach their, you know, dream, and… Nope, sorry, I can’t do it.
I have never seen an entire episode of “American Idol.” Never seen more than 5 minutes of an episode, for that matter (although I have met William Hung). Just isn’t my thing. I have friends who are intensely interested and follow every nuance with baited breath so they can update complicated charts on how each Idolator is doing at any given moment, but I could never get into it. Partly because for me, this kind of competition peaked with “The Gong Show,” which had just as much talent and a faster elimination process.
No, what I want to see is “American Agent.”
Look, the people who get to the final rounds of “Idol” can sing, no question. And the winners (and occasionally runners-up) get automatic representation right out of the gate, so you know that at least an album or two will occur, and some sort of Christmas thing. There’s just no challenge involved. But what about the washouts? How many people could market these deluded warblers into successful — or at least lingering — careers?
Enter reality TV. Stop giving “American Idol” contestants contracts when they step off the stage. Instead, hand them over to participants in the new reality show, “American Agent.” Each agent would be given a stable of former “American Idol” contestants apiece and would be responsible for keeping each one solvent somehow by dealing with undeserved diva demands, battling egos, and jumpstarting Corey Clark’s car so he can make the supermarket opening in Sausolito. They’d backstab each other, fight for every sponsorship or car show appearance, weep as their clients ignore their advice and make ” From Justin to Kelly 2: The Quickening,” and show the viewing public how the music industry really works. Television gold, I’m telling you.
It’s still not “Gene, Gene, the Dancing Machine,” but then what is?
I don’t understand all the screaming and yelling from the political correct crowd. It’s very simple, if you don’t like what people on the show are doing, CHANGE THE CHANNEL and go watch Rosie !!!