This week, the world, or a significant portion of that part of the world that watches television, watched as two veteran performers took on new roles to stretch themselves, entertain their viewers, and boost May sweeps ratings.
On Monday morning, late-night host Jay Leno took over “Today” show duties from Katie Couric, while she stayed up past her bedtime to become the first guest host of “The Tonight Show” since Johnny left. It was a cute concept.
“It’s a girl idea,” Leno said. “Guys don’t say, ‘Bob, let’s trade places.’ I mean, have you ever heard two guys go, ‘You’re a mechanic, I’m an insurance salesman. Come on! Let’s trade!’ That’s like a girl idea. But it’s a good idea.”
How did they do?
Who cares? People watched. And that’s all that really matters.
In fact, enough people watched that I predict we’ll see more job-swapping going on between top-rated television shows. It’s a fairly cheap way of spicing up existing shows without hiring new people or improving the quality in any way, and that’s what television is all about. I even have some suggestions for future shows. Some of them are obvious one-shots — the world needs to see Jimmy Kimmel on “The View,” for example — and others could go on for entire seasons.
Survivor: Friends. Take the loveable cast of one of America’s most popular sit-coms and airdrop them onto a deserted, uninhabitable island. No scripts, no retakes, no publicists, no assistants, not a single luxury. Wouldn’t you love to see Chandler and Joey fighting each other with boat oars over the last bottle of water? Watch Monica and Rachel form an alliance, only to be betrayed when Phoebe goes behind their backs to seduce the camera crew and grab all the sunscreen for herself! Call it ‘The One Where Ross Eats a Rat.’
Monday Night Football with Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings. Not as commentators, silly. No, I want to see them facing each other as God intended; on the football field, over the backs of 20 burly men who want to jump on them. Will Jennings’ passing game be enough to help the Buffalo Bills withstand Brokaw’s aggressive rushing strategy for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Will Brokaw be able to take a linebacker crunch without having a heart attack? Be sure to catch the wrap ups afterward on “NBC Nightly News with Vinny Testaverde.” Fellow displaced quarterback Brad Johnson won’t be able to report on the game for ABC’s “World News Tonight,” as he’ll be broadcasting live that week from a refugee camp in Uzbekistan.
Jerry Springer/Maury Povich. Hmmm. I’m not sure anyone would notice. Or care. Instead, let’s try:
Howard Stern/Oprah. Now we’re talking! It would be a blast to watch Stern hit on homeless teenage girls who have just been reunited with their single mothers, but it would be showbiz magic to see Oprah communicating on a meaningful level with Stuttering John. Will Dr. Phil punch Howard on general principles? Will Oprah let Canadian strippers spank her? Let’s watch!
Trading Spaces/CNN Headlines. Watch as President Bush and President Bashar al-Asad of Syria trade keys and go to town on each other’s office! What will Bush think of designer Doug’s neon retro-50’s chocolate-and-ivory Oval Office? Will Bashar go gaga over designer Frank’s darling little chicken-shaped surveillance devices? Tune in and see!
Pet Psychic/Crocodile Hunter. I don’t think there’s any question that Steve Irwin could easily psychoanalyze any critter the studio audience could possibly produce (“Have you been a naughty boy, then?”). But don’t you want to see if Sonya’s fabled mental affinity with all animals is good enough to help her connect with a 16-foot croc before it gets her into a deadly underwater death roll? I do!
CSPAN/American Idol. While it would be a ton of laughs to see if the House Ways and Means Committee remembers all the words to “The Pina Colada Song,” and while I’m confident that congressional filibusters would be a lot shorter if Simon were sitting there mocking them, what I really want to see is for viewers to vote while they watch. Just imagine — instead of waiting months for legislation to be argued, leveraged, stalled in committee and ridered to within an inch of its life, the people could just vote on it right away. True and instant democracy! And the people could let their representatives know immediately what they think. You could watch a senator make a fool of himself on a talk show and, thanks to the electronic Vote O’ Confidence system, get him thrown out of office before he even reaches his car.
The O’Reilly Factor/MTV’s Jackass. A good mix, I think, and it would satisfy my deep-seated need to see Bill O’Reilly set on fire.
So tune in next season and watch your favorite stars on your other favorite shows! Reality TV has never looked so real.