“Okay people, we’ve got a paper to put out. What have we got?”
“Three terrorist attacks, four natural disasters, seven different government plots (local and national), three conspiracies from our police department, a mutated shark attack, a Ferris wheel run amuck, escaped zoo animals, and 1,700 slain prostitutes.”
“Damn, a slow day. What are the natural disasters, meteors?”
“Only two this time. NASA is sending up a ship with four big-hearted and funny ex-cons to stop one at the last possible minute, and there’s a group of precocious but misunderstood kids working up a deflector beam for the other despite efforts by their parents and a corrupt FBI official to catch them.”
“Got it. Just change the dates on the impact graphics we used last time and get quotes from the relieved populace, yadda yadda. What are the other two?”
“Massive flood brought on by global warming and a killer tidal wave created by a super-villian’s earthquake ray, but it’s looking like they’ll cancel each other out before they make landfall. We might get some rough surf.”
“Ehh. Send a photographer, we’ll shoot for some standalone art for the regional editions.”
“Can’t, they’re already stretched thin covering the president’s kidnapping.”
“Again? He the victim or the kidnapper?”
“Both, I think, but there’s a retired, alcoholic cop and his smart-mouthed handicapped daughter inside the airducts of the building he’s in so it’s just a matter of time. I’m thinking we pull someone to go check out the apocalypse thing.”
“Where’s that?”
“South central. Unspeakable demons crawling out of a glowing sewer hole.”
“Anyone dead yet?”
“No, just thrown around a lot, some roaring. Bunch of kids fighting that one too, one of ’em’s a convenience store clerk who has… lemme check my notes… um, ‘manifested in the corporeal plane as the Arm of Justice.’ We’re gonna try and get a quote from him for the local section. And apparently the Earth was utterly wiped of all life before lunch, but some geek with a time belt went back and saved us while learning a valuable lesson about himself. That one’s a brief.”
“Sounds good. Who has the corporeal beat today?”
“Jimmy. He just has to finish up at the wizard battle on 9th and send in an update on the ghost uprising.”
“Has he got a photographer?”
“Zombies got him this morning, there’s a card at the metro desk. But it’s OK, Jimmy rescued the camera.”
“What about the terrorist attacks?”
“Let’s see… a nuke going off at noon, it’s being thwarted by a crack team of covert operatives in deep cover as housewives. There’s a pair of adorable animated puppies handling the water supply poisoning plot, and there’s a shy martial artist and a gruff detective taking the midnight chemical attack. Oh, and there’s two guys in tuxes chasing each other with UZIs in the airport, we’re keeping an eye on them in case anything develops.”
“Where’s the chemical attack?”
“Mayor’s black tie ball. The kung fu guy and the detective are still in the ‘bickering and lack of trust’ phase, we’ve got some time.”
“Send people to the first two as soon as you can, use AP to get the midnight one on our Web site, and talk to me about dead hookers. Serial killers?”
“About 14, we think. The others are from gang fights, vampires, assassins, alien invaders, a secret militant religious organization bent on cleansing the earth of sinful influences by the might of the sword, and one really funny mistaken identity case.”
“Looking like a depressing front page. What about something light?”
“Carla’s got a story about a once-a-millenium mystic portal opening this morning, releasing the armies of the Evernight Lords of the Sidhe into the world of men.”
“Invasion? Invasions are light?”
“The portal opened out onto the highway at rush hour. The Evernight Lords never stood a chance. Got some great shots of a Peterbilt that took out their archers. Hell of a mess to clean up, though.”
“Anything else?”
“Sandra is interviewing the people in the only skyscraper in town that has never had a bomb threat, giant ape, hostage situation, or superhero battle. It’s a cute read.”
“Hmm. So, maybe the president, the elves, and a terrorism roundup for 1A, the disasters inside with a refer on the front, and what else?”
“Paris Hilton update.”
“Right, run that in a box on top. Let’s go, people! It’s gonna be a long summer…”