“Oh lady, please help me. I have tried so many ways to guide my path, and all of them fail me. My fortune has been told so many times now I fear it’s used up. Ouija boards grow silent in my presence. Horoscopes don’t account for me. When I cast the runes, they never come back. No matter how I cast the sticks, the I Ching epigram always translate to some terribly polite form of ‘go away.’ The coins I flip don’t. Help me! I need guidance!”
“I see. Your future resists being examined, so you shall need markers that resist being read. Take these.”
“But these are–”
“Dice.”
“They have no numbers on them.”
“Nor do they need them. When you need to know your true path, cast them before you, close your eyes, and take a step. Afterwards, when you look back, you will see that the dice told you what you needed to know.”
“Truly?”
“No. But everybody else in the world justifies their actions after the fact so why shouldn’t you? Also, I got people waiting so step it up. That’ll be $34.99.”
Thus endeth the lesson.