Last night, thanks to an unexpected offer to judge a costume contest that included free VIP seating, I got to see “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.” Herewith, then, is my review:
Ehh.
Before I start ranting, let me say that overall I like the story arc of the prequel trilogy. It makes sense. It’s an excellent description of a too-powerful, too-convoluted government getting scammed and ultimately taken over by another force. The schemes to undermine the Jedis’ authority, the plots to completely hornswaggle the Senate, the carefully-timed steps that led inevitably to the overthrow of the Republic and the emergence of the Empire — all worked for me.
The characters, as characters, work just fine. Slave boy becomes Jedi, pupil becomes master, there is love and devotion and betrayal and loyalty and lies.
And, it must be said, that if we’re talking visual effects and blow-you-away action scenes, this is by far the best of all six movies.
That said, here’s what bugged me. Big, big spoilers ahead.
Did everyone in this movie sign a no-emotion clause?
Fun opening battle, although Joss Whedon has ruined me for any science fiction movie with sound in space. I had to admit I was laughing at the “droid-scraping” scenes in the ships. Not because it was intended to lighten the mood, which it probably was, but because a) it was so stupid, and b) I love how, while flying through a hideously complicated battle going on all around them, Jedis can still look around and chat amiably, and c) at their rate of speed, by the time they finished diddling with the droids they should have been two planets over.
Cool Count Dooku fight. Kind of a quick ending for him though. Hey, Ani, your mentor just got crushed, shouldn’t you be… oh, he’s fine. The metric tons of rubble that visibly crushed his legs left no ill effects.
R2D2 kicks ass! Which, really, makes his actions in the original trilogy seem pretty lame. Thanks, George.
Liked the bubble symphony scene.
Are we supposed to know what all the fighting is for? We cut back and forth from epic battles to people siting casually around a room, seemingly unconcerned.
If Anakin and Padme are that serious about keeping their relationship secret they probably shouldn’t make out on the steps of the Senate.
No one noticed she was getting fat? No one asked? Or is that why she never left that room? Or was she fogged over by whatever hormones changed her from an ass-kicking princess (which redeemed her for me somewhat in the last two movies) to stay-at-home mom who spends her days sitting on long couches and doing the weepy helpless heroine thing.
Is it just me, or did Yoda have more expression when he was a muppet? He must have learned grammar whle hiding on Dagobah, he didn’t use the reverse wording in every single sentence then. Although he does change from a dignified Jedi master to a grubby little food-thief. People change.
If you lived in the Star Wars universe, would you ever walk out on those balconies and ship pads? They’re freaking 60 stories up, no railings in sight, ever. No wonder people are used to hanging by their fingertips off precipices so often in these movies, they face that danger every time they go to the car.
What do the normal, i.e. less privileged, non-Forceful citizens of the Republic think of all this? Do they care? Have they noticed?
If Yoda is almost 900 years old, shouldn’t he be more suspicious of people, even other Jedis? He’s seen them turn bad before, yes?
Is Palpatine hinting he’s Anakin’s father? He talked about the power to create life from midicholians, and all but said he was the apprentice that killed the other Darth in his sleep. OK, hands up Star Wars people: is anyone here not someone else’s unsuspected father? Anyone?
I might be a little fuzzy here, but didn’t Obi-Wan refer to Palpatine as the Emperor before he knew palpatine had taken control?
I thought Obi-wan was the rational one. So why drop down in the middle of a roomful of armed foes? And why didn’t they shoot him, anyway?
Grievous’ internal organs looked awfully organic for something that scrambles through space unprotected.
Wow, Jedis die easy.
Mace Windu died a fake punk death. What a complete waste of Samuel L. Jackson.
I can accept Anakin turning to the dark side to save Padme, especially after the Jedi Council stiffs him. But that little aceptance cermony? My kid puts more emotion into choosing piza toppings.
Kid killing! Yay! A tear rolling down Anakin’s face would have been a nice touch here, marking this as the official “Point of No Return” mark of his downward slide, but that would have implied emotion so no chance.
Wow, Jedis really do die easy.
I never knew 9-month pregnant women could run so easily, especially down the ramp of a ship. The choking bit was a nice touch, though.
Definitely liked the offer to Padme to rule the universe. Nice tie-in, made sense, helped clue her in. Also liked the weird litle jealousy thing about Obi-Wan, which would have been even better if thoughts like that had ever been mentioned by Anakin at any point beforehand, ever.
Apparently Jedis don’t feel heat, like from lava a foot or so away. Or else the Force can be used as an anti-perspirent.
Also apparently Padme came to term without ever seeing a doctor. Doctors these days don’t generally miss twins, I doubt the Republic doctors would have.
She lost the will to live? She died because she lost the will to live? A woman who effectively runs a planet, who has fought for her people through diplomacy and revolution and war, who now has two newborn babies, just gave up? Please. This is also one of those Hollywood ailments where women during fatal labor look stunning despite the requisite damp forehead.
So Luke and Leia were born just before Padme died? Huh. So, when Leia tells Luke in “Return” that she has vague memories of her real mother, she must really be reaching back.
And you’d think that Kenobi would have warned Luke about dating Leia at some point. “Can’t tell you why, Luke, but don’t diddle the princess. Trust me.”
Liked the simultaneous births of Luke, Leia, and Vader. Maybe Vader’s new robot legs and arm explain why he can’t do any of the cool ninja moves in the next three movies?
Even when it’s James Earl Jones doing it, shaking your fist at the sky and screaming “Noooo!” just looks stupid.
Cool, Qui-gon might be showing up around Obi-Wan in a glowing Jedi body. I like how that was whipped in there out of nowhere, I guess to foreshadow Ben’s later appearances to Luke. Too bad Qui-gon couldn’t have figured it out a few days earlier and maybe given everyone a heads-up.
C3PO gets his mind wiped, knew that was going to happen. But not R2? And he gets to keep his jet packs? How come he had so much trouble on Tatooine later, then? Or does that have something to do with why he doesn’t bounce out of ships like a superball anymore?
Wow, the Death Star took forever to build. I’ll bet it was getting the permits, that always hangs me up.
So how did it take Vader so long to figure out that Luke was his son when he came from the same home planet, had the Force about him, looked like him (pre-scars), and had the same last name?
Enough for now. It was fun to watch and easily worth the free pass. If you’re gong to see it, see it in the theater and make the most of the visual feast. Just dont think too hard about it.
I must obtain the recent star wars theme on my Tom Tom GPS. Seems like It’s terrific!