“Never Did Catch Her Name (But She’s My Wife)”
by Marian Call
(Listen to it here)
Well, she caught my eye on Daedelus
And I couldn’t look away
Imagine my surprise when she told me
That she felt the same way
That night she promised she’d be mine
And she swept me off my feet
And for eighteen golden hours there
My rapture was complete
Then I woke up hog-tied
Lyin’ in my own bed alone
My gun was gone, and so was the safety box
of my Savings & Loan
She took my boat, she took my dog
She damn sure took my pride
And broke my heart in a million pieces
when she told me I was number twenty-nine
But I never did see such a fine lookin’ thief
In all my lonesome life
She’s a dirty low-down deceiver
I was a right fool to believe her
I never did catch her name, but she’s my wife
Well I tried to forget that wench
With brawlin’ and with beer
With empty threats of cold revenge
That she’d no need to fear
‘Cause that little redhead spins me ‘bout
When I think of her still
She has my watch and she has my heart
And I expect she always will
But I never did see such a fine lookin’ thief
In all my lonesome life
She’s a dirty low-down deceiver
I was a right fool to believe her
I never did catch her name, but she’s my wife
I met her husband number twelve
Says she’s a nympho thievin’ whore
Says she’ll run you in or sell you out
Like with every man before
But damn, she’s pretty with a gun
Just makes me love her more…
‘Cause I never did see…such a lovely thief
She’ll rob you blind…she’ll learn you grief
Oh, I never did see such a lovely lookin’ thief
In all my lonesome life
She’s a dirty low-down deceiver
I was a right fool to believe her
Still I couldn’t ever leave her
Sweet little what’s-her-name, she’s my wife
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From the creator:
“This is a more traditional country/western “she done me wrong” lament, ostensibly penned by one of Saffron’s many husbands who can’t seem to forget her. Husband number twelve, mentioned in the bridge, may (or may not) be Captain Malcolm Reynolds.
“I butchered a guitar track to another of my own songs to get this chord progression (my apologies and thanks to Eugene Black, the instrumentalist). And I had to sing it myself for want of a male vocalist, so you can either pretend I’m a guy or you can pretend that gay marriage might be legalized sometime in the next half-millennium, whichever suits you. Saffron doesn’t seem to be choosy about the gender of her victims. If any bands out there with male lead vocalists care to do a proper version, though, do get in touch.”