“Saffron’s Con (Has Always Ended Wrong)”
(to the tune of “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne)
by J.M. Harmon
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
Captain can you come over for some tea? (For some tea)
Won’t you come and sit here with me? (Come sit with me)
What was the last freight that you found to haul? (Found to haul)
We need work, not a wobbly-headed geisha doll (A geisha doll)
I know you’re not a petty thief and I meant “suo-shee”
I really want to help but Malcolm can’t you see?
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
We’ve almost died every time she’s come along
Captain can’t you see she’s dead crazy as can be
You know it will go wrong so why join in on Saffron’s con?
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
Captain do you remember when she hitched a ride? (Hitched a ride)
She made us think she was your helpless bride (Helpless bride)
Well she had that compound she spread on her lip (On her lip)
When she knocked you out she nearly stole your whole ship (Stole your whole ship)
But I know that you think you might trick her instead
And no we didn’t kiss, I only fell and hit my head
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong
We’ve almost died every time she’s come along
Captain can’t you see she’s dead crazy as can be
You know it will go wrong so why join in on Saffron’s con?
Saffron’s con has always ended wrong (It’s always ended wrong)
We’ve almost died every time she’s come along (She keeps on tryin’)
Captain can’t you see she’s dead crazy as can be
We know it will go wrong, why join in on Saffron’s con?
Why join in on Saffron’s con? (Sometimes Bridget)
Captain can’t you see she’s dead crazy as can be
You know it will go wrong so why join in on Saffron’s con?
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From the creator:
“Given that Inara’s one of the surprise key players in “Trash” it seemed appropriate to have a song weigh in from her perspective. The original idea started out as “Me and Saffron Down by the Trash Bin” but we already have some Trash-themed Paul Simon and grammatically that’s not something Inara would say anyway.