There’s a certain shameful pleasure in watching a celebrity publicly debasing him- or herself, and Kevin Federline is currently making many people very happy indeed. I won’t go into explanations here — if you don’t know who K-Fed is or what’s going on with him and his soon-to-be-exwife Britney, count yourself fortunate and head back into your cave, quick.
But last night, as some friends and family gathered around to watch “Entourage” DVDs and talk about celebrity hangers-on, it was wondered aloud how K-Fed would continue to thrive after being dumped by his meal ticket. I said, only half-joking, that the sex tape sales alone would keep him going. We laughed, and I came into work this morning to see the news.
There is such a tape, according to reports, and he’s rumored to be offering it to Brit herself for a pile of money and full custody of the kids. (Here’s a link, but there are dozens to choose from) Once we get past the fact that divorce court judges rarely look kindly on extortion, we’re left with this simple truth: K-Fed still has farther to sink. Scary thought, isn’t it?
OK, so either she’ll buy him out or it’ll go on sale or a settlement will be reached or it’ll leak out anyway, and whatever her manager thinks it’s not likely the widespread distribution of Britney’s gyrations probably won’t affect her career much at this point. More than likely it’ll make a ton of money, add a new level to the Britney jokes, and make K-Fed even more reviled than he is now. It might even cause a britney revival; it worked for Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson. And I think stars should factor this sort of thing in their career arcs.
Before that little red light ever comes on you better make sure you have all the ancillary rights and a piece of the back end. You might want to get in a stylist and makeup artist, too, don’t want your porn to look tacky. Do something with the lighting, that yellow wall look is so 80’s. And watch those camera angles! Remember, people will be screen-capturing you for the next 10 years, you need to look your best. If you can, hang up a poster of your next movie, TV show, or CD over the bed. Hey, can’t hurt, and embedded advertising is all the rage these days.
I hope this passes and she comes out OK with whatever results. But even if the rumored tape becomes available, I think I’ll pass. I’ve seen K-Fed perform on stage, I wasn’t impressed.
Call me when she does a tape with Pamela Anderson.