We’re about to go rejoin the Y in the hopes that putting ourselves in the proximity of lots of exercise machines and a pool will somehow frighten our bodies into toughening up. Problem: there’s a pool.
Which is good, because Teres and I both love to swim and it’s good for you. But I haven’t bought of pair of swim trunks for many fashion cycles now — jean shorts, which aren’t allowed at our Y — have served me well for decades now, and I’m at a loss. What to buy?
Last time, years back, the style was for fairly short shorts that now, compared to the usual knee-length versions I see around me, make me look like a pervert who’s temporarily misplaced his trenchcoat, and this is not the image I wish to portray (we’ll leave the accuracy of it alone for a moment). But should I get the knee-length ones?
According to eHow.com, hell no:
Pass on the board shorts if you are big in the belly. These have a tendency to hang low under the gut emphasing it more than you want.
As I resemble an albino manatee, they recommend something called “volley” shorts, in dark colors, no stripes, all cotton, possibly with warning buoys to ward off speeding motorboats.
Personally I kinda like the old-fashioned look (see above), but only if I can find a straw hat to go with it. What do you think? What should a fat man wear to the pool?
I just discovered your site last week, and I’m excited to finally have something valid to say!
As a former lifeguard, I feel I am qualified to give the following advice:
– Do yourself and everyone around you a favor and do *not* get a Speedo. Those banana hammocks are a bad idea even if you’re Michael Phelps.
– 100% cotton is all well and good when you need airflow, but in the pool, it’s clingy, it breaks down easily, and the cotton fibers clog up the pool filters.
As a recently certified SCUBA diver, I’ll vouch for wetsuits. They’re GREAT. They’re made to last in the water, and come in a variety of sizes. You’d probably be looking for a 1 or 2 mm thickness “shorty” suit; they are basically that old style suit, only made of wonderful, wonderful neoprene. Any thicker and you’ll be dealing with the suit’s bouyancy in addition to your own… and it’s kind of a pain (“Though it is, on occasion, hilarous.”). I recommend http://www.scubatoys.com (Henderson 2mm suits are on sale now).
Love the site, happy to help, and hope I’ll have more to say in the future!