“Hi! You made decent time.”
“Told ya I’d make it. Did you order yet?”
“No, just got here. We always order the same thing anyway, not a major challenge.”
“Okay, order for me.”
“No problem. Here, let me look at you. Hmmmm. Chicken sizzling wor bar, won ton soup, hot tea.”
“I could also use a cute brunette, if you happen to see one.”
“I’ll check with the cook. What’s in the bag? Is it a prezzie? You’d be amazed how fast I can produce a cute brunette if there’s a prezzie.”
“Sort of. I dropped the movie off on the way in and they were having that two dollars off the pre-viewed price again, so I picked up some cheap crap.”
“What’dja get? Let’s see… The Mask of Zorro, wasn’t too bad. You’ve Got Mail, we haven’t seen that…”
“Chick flick.”
“Well, you’re pretty girly. Godzilla? You bought Godzilla?”
“Chick flick.”
“What?”
“Chick flick.”
“Explain.”
“C’mon! Godzilla’s a mother, looking for a safe place to raise her young. Plus it’s got Matthew Broderick. Chick flick.”
“Sorry, love, just because it had Matthew Broderick doesn’t mean it’s a chick flick.”
“What about Ladyhawke?”
“That wasn’t a chick flick.”
“That was totally a chick flick. Tights, romantic stuff, lotsa sword-fighting but no gore. Chick flick.”
“And Zorro? Lotsa sword-fighting, no gore. Chick flick?”
“Dick flick.”
“And the difference?”
“In Ladyhawke the guy got the girl in a romantic, medieval setting after a tense emotional moment. In Zorro the guy got the girl after a whole frigging mountain got blown up. Dick flick.”
“Are there any movies that don’t fall in either category?”
“No.”
“Bond movie’s a dick flick?”
“Most definitely. Anything with a minimum of three explosions is a dick flick.”
“What about Eyes Wide Shut? Chick or dick?”
“Chick flick about a dick.”
“How about American Pie?
“Tricky. It starts out as a dick flick, and ends up as a chick flick.”
“Porn movies?”
“Straight or gay?”
“What’s the difference?”
“Straight porn is 95% dick flicks. Gay female porn is 100% dick flicks, despite the absence of same. Gay male porn is 95% chick flicks.”
“Got it. What you up for tonight?”
“You’ve Got Mail. I understand I’m pretty girly…”